Trial Run

I am heading back to work after the 4 months maternity leave. So this week, we had been trying to simulate a trial to bring Baby E down to grandma's place. I will wake up by 5am and make him a bottle. He will also be up by then due to the sound I make. He will look and me and SMILE. After a whole night of rest, he will always look so happy to see me the first thing he open his eyes. A quick shower and after Daddy baths, we will head out. Daddy got a new bag yesterday and that means all the stuff such as water bottle, lappy, gym bag, handphone, wallet can be stuffed into the BIG BIG bag and off we go, not having things in our hands. We must leave by 6am latest and we will be in good timing. These few days had been very successful with time to sterilise his bottles and eat breakfast. Hopefully, we will not oversleep when the term starts.

Mentally prepared or not, I will have to face the students, staff and parents again. That's life. Waiting for the first weekend to come by soon!

The right to cry

Baby E likes to cry... at his grandparents' places, nighttime from 5- 7pm, before he sleeps, before he drinks and in front of strangers. Initially, I felt embarrassed as people asked why is he crying, what's wrong, is he hungry, wet, tired? Or Don't you feed him enough, how much milk you feed him, don't you have enough breastmilk by 'friendly' aunties? I often had to find reasons to defend him, no lah, he's like that all the time, he will sleep peacefully after a while. It's his routine, It's the way things are. He's not hungry, he's just fussy.

The CNY period was a test as he cried in front of many relatives while other babies remained happy and satisfied. I am not sure if my PIL are also embarrassed but from their looks, they probably are. Perhaps the question of why do other babies remain so happy while my grandson cries so much? Then I realised that babies cry for some reason or another. I meant that I knew of course, from reading from forums, baby care books, websites but there must be something wrong for them to cry. A wet diaper, hunger, colic, tired etc

Perhaps all Baby E wants is for me to be around him, to hug and kiss him, to cuddle him and not to feel embarrassed by him. Somehow, mummy felt otherwise and kept on wanting to defend him. Baby E has a right to cry, to say he wants mummy to hug and kiss him, to play with him. There is no need to defend him, no need to justify his actions, no need to be angry with what others say, no need to care what others think.

Baby E, Mummy will hug you and calm you down everytime you cry cos you are calling out to me in your beautiful cries.

Poology.

Started off with mum calling me to ask about his poo. Yah, weird but my mum was reminded of his poo on her way home. She mentioned his poo is too watery and asked if he had diahorrea. I was in a panic state as I always thought he was fine. No fever, had energy but sick. I started searching on the Internet but not much information matched his so called poo condition. Guilt came over me and I started blaming myself for stopping to breastfeed him and to give him formula so early in his life. Why cannot I be like xxx and breastfeed for a year? Lazy, stupid, not fit to be a mother are words that came to my mind. While E looked at me, still happily unaware that his mummy is undergoing so much stress, I called my sister. She reassured me that all things are well and his poo will take some time to be the so-called state of soft stool for formula fed babies. Oh well... Now I understand why poology is so important to all mummies - the study of the well-being of babies while mummies are out working to earn money to buy milk formula. I felt more reassured and will continue to monitor his poo. Looking out for his poo - watery, colour, smell...